Soooo......

Realizing and recognizing that my last post "Outside Time" delved into not only quantum physics but what might also be considered deep spiritualism/mysticism. To be clear, I am ALL about both quantum physics and deep spiritualism/mysticism but I do not feel that one has to be versed in either or both to KNOW what I am sharing. These are things we are privy to and/or have inherent knowledge of within our beings. That is the beauty of Outside Time.

I acknowledge this because in this past month it has become clear to me the myriad of ways this might show up, not only in my own experiences but in those of the folks I am in relationship with. I feel it would be irresponsible of me not to name this. Or not draw attention to the magnitude in which I was asking you to hold your experienced reality. I know. And my only ask, if there is any, is to consider it, if only for a moment. And then let it go...If you have space to hold it longer, do, and be present with it as long as is comfortable. Know that it is there for you to return to when you are ready. Always when YOU are ready.

We are living in a "Time" of great transformation/evolution. To be honest, I don't think that has never been the case. Caveat: this is our "Time" so therefore I am a bit more attached! That said. I do believe that my investment in my own transformation/evolution is the greatest gift I can give to this Time. My commitment to my personal growth, integrity, transparency and authenticity in my relationships, my actions and my engagement with the world at large will necessarily forward my dreams and aspirations for social, societal and spiritual evolution.

If I zoom out, this feels too big, overwhelming even. If I stick with me and what I have agency of in my doings and behaviors it becomes infinitely more manageable. This is hard. It requires being honest and boundaried in my most intimate relationships. It calls for vulnerabilities that I am not ready to share and/or make known. It brings to bear pain points I have yet to reckon with or want to dissect with myself, let alone with others.

I recently landed on Joy as a pain point. It was weird and disconcerting because I was like "I have Joy, I'm into Joy". And let's face it, Joy is out "there". Everyone and everything thing is like "find Joy, be with Joy, you deserve it!".

When I sat with this I realized my pain point was in the fact that this access to Joy was often offered outside of myself. It was something that "came in", was a reward of time spent and/or given, something earned for efforts made in some such way...This was a huge disconnect for me because anyone that knows me, know that I take whatever time and space that I need for myself, yet there was this pain point with Joy. A part of me decided it was language, but there was another part of me that had to acknowledge that there was a wound there that needed my attention. There is a space in there that I feel (felt) that Joy could only be fulfilled by something outside of myself. This hurt. (Lack).

Wheil...I'm working on it, ha!

All that to say, I am striving to be as present with myself as possible, in every moment. Additionally, I am doing the same with those closest to me and all I come in contact with. I know in doing so, I not only heal those parts of me that have been too ashamed, harmed and/or afraid to be seen but I am also giving permission to the other to do the same. It is in these acts of unabashed authenticity I pave the way for the world we are co-creating, in Time, that builds the bridge to Outside Time. I know this to be my work.

This is forever work. It is a continuum. I say this to create a space for grace, leisure and peace of mind in these moments of in-congruence and/or disconnect between Time and Outside Time. Everyday is an opportunity for me to know me more and then aspire to share me with others. Some days this is easier than others. Some days I can not do it at all. Some days I wonder why it ever feels hard and in those moments I do feel what we might collectively call Joy. Either way, it is all ok. I am me, no matter.

a little musical fodder

• Redeemer - Karen O & Danger Mouse

• Lower The Heavens - The Donkeys