Both And

I won't pretend to know exactly what the implications of this Uranus in Gemini situation really is, but what I will say, is that there is a me that is definitely caught up in the experience of past selves making themselves known to new selves and low key struggling with what I am naming Both/And.

My experience has been that of grief, longing, joy, curiosity, expectation, loneliness, contentment, satisfaction, want, excitement, sadness, unparalleled love of self, desire for others and general confusion.

I know! All the feels. And that is just the ones I can name, right now! All that to say, I am in a space!

It is wild. For the first time in my life, I can say that I really love me! Totally and completely. To be fair, I must say that I have always loved me. But there have always been caveats....Like maybe I loved me but I wanted thinner thighs, or maybe I loved me but I wanted to be less confrontational, or maybe I loved me but I wanted to have a less complicated relationship with my hair, or maybe I loved me and I wanted to be more accessible to the "average" person/less weird. Yeah, I said it! I love that I'm weird but I do recognize that it is and has limited access to certain spaces.

We live in this co-created time/space/reality that is fraught with duality. And as I have mentioned before, this is not all that is. I am victim to it, as I expect you are too and it necessitates that we confine ourselves to either/or, yes/no, left/right, extreme/obtuse, good/bad, etc. What I am experiencing now is: Both And!

I am a dynamic complex being that wants thinner thighs and loves my thighs! I am confrontational and love being confrontational, I have a complicated relationship with my hair and love my hair, I AM WEIRD! And NOT WEIRD! There are spaces in which I am welcomed with open arms and spaces in which my presence will definitely cause disruption. I am Both And!

Both And allows for All of Me.

This is a bit wild because quite frankly, I have never been here before. A place in which I was not limiting a part of myself to protect another part of myself. A place where I was not compensating for some part of me that felt like it had to hide because it wasn't good enough, pretty enough, quiet enough, accepting enough, or loving enough to be worthy.

What's funny, is that I did not know this was even a thing I was doing...it was revealed to me in drips and drabs of personal work and interrogation of self. And to be honest, I know there is more to do. So I know this moment of clarity, insight, awareness, Standing in my Day, as David Jefferies (love and miss you dearly mister) use to say, may only last for a moment. But I am here, NOW.

I share this because, I am here Now. I am Both /And /Now. I don't know how long this experience will last. It could last forever or end in this moment. This moment is Now and Forever. Time and Outside Time is Both/And.

So, I am leaning in.

Into Uranus in Gemini...

This Scorpio Full moon...

This Me!

And I invite you to lean into YOU!

Any You you might find.

In the Dark and Light spaces.

In the spaces you might not know about, but are discovering...

The spaces that delight and confound you...

Because they are likely Both And, You!

a little musical fodder

• State of Independence - Donna Summer

• I'm Not The Man I Use to Be - Fine Young Cannibals

• Last Dance - Donna Summer (from You to You)

• Breakout - Swing Out Sister