Aha's Epiphanies Breakthroughs

As a Werker of Magic, Energy, Intuition, Unconscious psychological processes and the like, I have encountered the term Soul Retrieval often. As a Werker of said Magic and the like, I accept Soul Retrieval as an act and/or experience one might have which supports emotional, spiritual, psychic, energetic and physical healing. Until very recently, to be honest, I had never had any direct experience with anything I might name Soul Retrieval. And then I did!

I was in my morning sit, as per usual, and Drum made himself known. Being who I am, I picked up Drum and began to whistle and drum myself into an Underworld Journey. During this journey I was met with 15ish Chelsa. She was being bathed and anointed with oils, blessings and prayers by not only ancestors and guides but also all the other Chelsa's. Additionally, I knew that she was being brought back into the fold. Not because we had sent her away. She didn't realize that the werk she was doing and engaging in, on our behalf, was something she did not have to do on her own. Her gifts: open heart, fearlessness in love, compassion, empathy and willingness to put those she loves ahead of herself, was not only a blessing; but like an upside down tarot card, could also cause her harm, gone unchecked. We praised her for her efforts and assured her we now had wisdom and insight that could and would mitigate some of that potential harm from the shadow side of her gifts. Soul Retrieval!

On the other side of that journey, was an Aha moment, epiphany, breakthrough. I felt more Whole, I felt more me, I felt more alive, I felt more safe. I felt loved. I felt more permission to be Myself. And though Myself is shifting and changing in every moment, I could be Me NOW! And that felt powerful. Not in the sense that I had power over others, but a personal power, unto myself. It allows for a feeling of agency, freedom and safety in my body and my person-hood. I love me more.

Arriving in this place, where a psychic, emotional, spiritual and/or intuitive knowing has bloomed, suggests that I have been werking on, for, and towards that moment of knowing. In the moment, it felt like an epiphany. I cried long and hard in/with this wisdom. I cried for 15ish Chelsa and all the Chelsa's that she'd shouldered while experiencing all the love, grief, joy and pain of our lives. I also cried for all the Chelsa's that shouldered her through it all. And I cried for me now. Knowing that we were now more whole and more able to move forward from this place of knowing. Whew, it was a lot, even for me. (still is tbh, ha!).

This new awareness has shifted and changed me in a number of ways. Most of which may be visibly unseen by those closest to me and/or around me. The prevailing reality is I can no longer think, act and behave in ways that were once harmful, in any way shape or form. I find myself doing, thinking, and behaving in ways that are new and a surprise to me. Negative self-talk is no longer tolerated, making myself smaller for the sake of others rises up and gets squashed, almost immediately. Allowing others to not meet me with the same love, consideration, respect and compassion that I am inclined to offer is now challenged with: "where's your curiosity about my feelings, my needs?". This is both liberating and painful at times. Largely because it is in our most intimate relationships that this kind of self-abandonment and self-harm shows up. I Know now and there's no way to UnKnow.

But the fear of loss, disappointment and/or rejection of those I hold dear is a very real emotion. One that is confusing, frustrating and welcome. It means I am growing. It means I am loving me more. The more I love me, the more love I have for others, from a whole and honest place. I no longer need to act and behave in a way that garner approval, affection, and/or love through manipulation, withholding or acquiescing. (I am a Scorp, so my powers of manipulation are strong, lol...though I have werked really hard to keep them in check, real talk). I must not only trust myself but also the other, to honor what we hold dear. And if we can't both feel safe and held in that place...wheil, it is time to reset the boundaries so that we both do. That's the scary part, right? We might land someplace new and that new place maybe somewhere familiar, but different. It may be somewhere unfamiliar and require some emotional adjustment. This is hard werk! It requires me to trust both me and the other land in a place that is best for each of our greater good, despite my desire, yikes! I mean...

But honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Universe Provides.

So yeah, Soul Retrieval.

That is what just happened to me. But I have arrived in similar places by very different means, often. Know that however you might find yourself in a place of KNOWING, it is your place and trust it!

a little musical fodder

• So Alive - Love and Rockets *(Air - North)

• Heart And Soul - T'Pau *(Water - West)

• Chains of Love - Erasure *(Fire - East)

• Freedom - George Michael *(Earth - South)

• You Get What You Give - New Radicals *(Center - You)

Air/North is often associated with the Mind

Water/West is often associated with the Emotions

Fire/East is often associated with the Will

Earth/South is often associated with Groundedness/Home/Foundation/Safety

Center/the center of the four directions is often associated with Your Heart Space