The Wild Unknown

As I begin, this my first post, the star being my open heart, I am almost reluctant to share that my heart is breaking. And to be honest, in this moment, what I am realizing is that my heart is always breaking. Don't get me wrong, it's not always debilitating, can't go out outside, binge watch rom-coms all day breaking, but breaking none the least. The heart work, that is the wild unknown. Unknown because to live from this place is to live squarely in the present. In the uncertainty, excitement and pain of the now. Trusting that the past has informed and the future is happening, now.

For me, the hardest part of this work is continuing to live with my heart wide open knowing that the heartbreak is inevitable. Arriving at a place of realization that counters what I have come to revere as a safe way of being, feeling and thinking. Pushing up against a growing edge that I was sure I had grown through and beyond. Leaning into those vulnerable shares knowing that I may or may not be fully reflected back. Supporting a family member or friend when I know they are potentially making choices that will leave them harmed, unheard and/or unseen.

For me, the practice of living from this space is generally grounded in faith, trust and gratitude. Faith, trust, and gratitude first in myself, then the Universe. After all, "the Universe provides!" As those who know me have probably heard this way too many times, but never gives me too much flack about it because they love me back, thank the gods, ha.

The hardest part, is trusting me. I trust me by choosing me. Choosing me is hard. Just like most folks, I want to be chosen, but wheeeeil.......being chosen (by someone or someones) is not promised or doesn't always come when we need or want it to. In those moments, which may happen more than I would like them to, there's only me (and the Universe, of course). This is where the Wild in the wild unknown lives!

My thoughts, behaviors, actions and reactions in those precious moments are integral to my spiritual, psychic and physical well-being. In those moments, I know that I am "not guilty of anything at all and I am forgiven for everything" as Abbie my lovely yoga instructor tells me.

I dive in. Feeling all the things. The low-key embarrassing desires, the anger, the jealousy, the self -loathing, the inflated ego that wants to "show them", the softness that wants to be wanted, seen, heard, reflected and held. All the parts and identities that need and want space to be seen and heard and reflected and held. And I love me, I trust me, I console me, I nurture me, I tell me all my feelings are valid and worth having and worth being fulfilled. And I tell myself that I AM ENOUGH!

All that faith, trust and gratitude comes back!

I can not know when and how but I know it when I feel it and experience it in my own actions, thoughts and feelings or that of another. It is those moments of epiphany and affirmation that drives my Spirit to live from that heart space if it is not already.

So, I will keep at it, trusting that you will too.

Love and Light!

a bit of musical fodder if you so desire

• August & September by The The

• Crossroads by Tracy Chapman